Many years ago, I had a friend, Fred, who managed the bubblegum section of the Safeway in Aurora, Colorado. He was tall and thin, and sometimes even gave away pieces of gum, just like the ladies in the bakery give away cookies to children. Fred was elusive, though, hard to get a hold of or make plans with.
But there's good news. We have word that Fred has retired to a small hut somewhere in the wild jungles of the Sandwich Islands. After some his time in Aurora, we're told he was promoted to management in Kapaa on the island of Kauai and now leads the private, evasive life he's always dreamed about.
Interestingly, his decades-old stock holdings in Hormel Foods Corporation, the makers of Spam and other fine products, has never seemed so a propos. We salute you, Fred, and encourage you to enjoy surfing, hula dances, and the odd Spam-filled Hot Pocket served, of course, active volcano-strength boiling lava hot.
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